I smoke. I make sailors blush. I say things everyone else only thinks. And I'm not sorry.

Hint: You shouldn’t be either. ‘Cause it’s your edge.

     our writing is fucked.

Generic. Forgettable. Trying so hard to sound professional, you've erased everything interesting.

I unfuck it.

I don't follow formulas. I spent 26 years learning to read what humans need in the seconds before they decide.

I write copy that makes high-ticket buyers say yes.

While other copywriters learned frameworks at a weekend workshop, I was sitting at kitchen tables with traumatized people, getting stories no other reporter could get.

That hypervigilance that made me an award-winning journalist? That pattern recognition that spots what someone needs before they say it?

That’s what I use to write for you.

I know what your audience needs before they do.

Y

be your fucking self

what actually makes it work

The Difference

I write the way I talk. No performance. No trying to sound like a copywriter. Just me, 100% unfiltered, every time.

That’s what your copy needs, in YOUR voice. Not someone who can mimic ‘authentic’ while following a framework.

Your audience doesn’t need better benefit bullets. They need permission to trust you with their money.

I know how to give them that permission. No one else does it the way I do.

Most copywriters rearrange the same tired formulas and call it custom.

I read your audience like I read that woman through the glass door on Christmas Day 23 years ago.


Car accident.

She got in a fight with her boyfriend, went after him. On a sharp curve, she slid on ice into the opposing lane. Her car collided with his. He died. I’m a reporter standing at her sliding glass door.

She’s wrecked. I’m the last person she wants to see. So I told her that: “I’m the last person you want to talk to today. But I’m here and I want to hear your story.”

She let me in. Told me everything. I was the only reporter in New England to get that story.

Not because I asked better questions. Because I knew what she needed in the three seconds it took to walk to her door.

That’s what your copy needs.

Someone who reads what your buyers actually want and gives them permission to say yes to it.

Not templates. Not frameworks someone else figured out five years ago for a different audience.

Me. Reading the room. Seeing the pattern. Channeling your voice. Writing the words that convert.


The story

the menu


$140K months. $500K launches. Sales pages that close without negotiation. Email sequences generating thousands on autopilot.

Copy for 7- and 8-figure entrepreneurs who need their positioning to do the filtering, not their sales calls.

Unfuck Your Sales Page
Starting at $1,100 per page, depending on scope
The difference between a $100K launch and a $12K disappointment.

Unfuck Your Website Copy
Starting at $5,500 (5-7 pages)
Behavioral psychology architected across your entire site – in your voice – to
move people toward the decision you need them to make.

Unfuck Your Email Sequences
Launch (7-10 emails): Starting at $3,500
Nurture (5-7 emails): Starting at $2,000
No benefit-stacking. No manufactured urgency. Just copy that filters and converts.

Unfuck Your Book (Ghostwriting)
Starting at $15,000
Your expertise, my execution. I’ve written 47 of these. I’ll gut and rebuild your draft,
or we’ll start from scratch.


WHAT I'VE ACTUALLY DONE

ins & outs


You make decisions and stick with them.

You’re tired of copy that sounds like everyone else in your industry. You have a voice and want it on the goddamned page.

You want someone who delivers what your audience actually needs, not what marketing courses say they want.

You move fast.




"Can you explain why you chose that word?"
No. You're paying for expertise, not education.

"I'm not sure what I want, but I'll know it when I see it."
I don't do revision roulette. Get clear first.

"Can we do a few more rounds of revisions?"
Two rounds included. More than that means you're indecisive, not iterating.

You believe AI can do what I do.

If any of these sound like you, hire someone else. They’ll be cheaper and more accommodating.









Cover design. Tech setup. Education about copywriting basics. Explaining why language works when you’re paying for expertise.

I write. You decide. We move on.





I've written copy that sold trauma certifications, coaching programs, 
website rebuilds, book projects and high-ticket consulting.

For coaches, consultants and course creators who are done sounding 
like everyone else in their industry.




I’m Your Wet Dream Writer If

Red Flags We’re Not A Match

what i don't do

CONTACT

When you message, tell me...
- What you need
- What you’re working with
- Your timeline

I’ll tell you exact cost and delivery date.


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let's do this.

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